Diaper Disaster
by chibisrule943
Summary: CRACK FIC. Beware. Once you read it you shall never see babies the same again. Minato like most men have one thought in mind. They must keep their manliness. How is it possible when he's to deal with Parenthood?


**AN: **This has no meaning. DX I warn you, this contains utter CRACK.

**Pairing:** MinatoKushina

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

**Warning:** I will not take the blame for experimented babies. Remember this is CRACK. DX

**_I__ WARNED YOU!_**

"Diaper Disaster."

Minato Namikaze could admit two things he'd done wrong in his life. Two simple things the all powerful fourth hokage could not control, which meant disaster in the end.

The first was become a pervert. Most would simply say men could easily destroy their desire to see unblemished skin on the opposite sexes body. That is a lie. No "true" men could leave the perverse world of porn. Ha! To prove this fact, he even encountered a few _gay _men whom still watched porn. Porn was the world the men.

So it was only natural his perverted sensei Jiriya show him this juicy looking hobby. After his first visit to the bath houses he couldn't help but follow his dear sensei on another "scouting" mission to where most women lay. He cupped the air, imagining the feel of the pair of soft beauties in his hand. Oh, one day the fourteen year old would have some of that.

The second mistake...

"Waaaaaaahhhhhh" Minato groaned as the wail hit his ears. Oh great, the devil was up. He could hear footsteps before an angered voice screamed at him.

"Minato! Get your lazy ass in here and help me with our baby! Shh, shh," she cooed at the ball of blond fluff in her arms. Minato could only sigh, turning the television off he walked over to her. "It's okay Naru-chan, mommy's here. ^^" The baby stopped crying, only squealing in delight, his tiny arms raised towards the beauty his wife ensued, palms clasping at the air. Kushina was amazing with kids.

"huh, what do you need my help with?" the hokage pouted, crossing his arms as he eyed her, "you already took care of the little runt so why not watch TV with me?" Kushina huffed at that, kissing his cheek before handing the baby to Minato. "Wha-" She cut him off, pecking him on the lips.

"Bond with him, Minato-kun, please?" She sighed to herself, crossing her arms. "He's _your_ son, and since you're hokage you barely see him." Minato frowned, and sighed as without another word she left to their room. He wondered why he had to deal with this. He looked down at the brat, tilting his head as the tinier blond peered up at him through curious sky-blue eyes. After only minutes of staring he shrugged and carried him towards the sofa, sitting Naruto on the couch next to him.

"Naru-chan's gonna learn to be a man and watch TV with daddy." he flipped the TV on, a boring infomercial playing. The toddler watched the TV for a few seconds before tears ran down his whiskered cheek wailing once more. Minato jumped at the out roar, turning his head towards the tot. His brows furrowed slightly before he picked up the child.

"Good lord, what's wrong?" He froze as a horrid smell went through his nostrils, moving Naruto away. "Oh god! You stink!" The baby continued to cry, paying no attention whatsoever to Minato's protests. The hokage whined slightly, Kushina ignoring it as she continued to watch TV upstairs. Popping another piece of popcorn into his mouth as the drama unfolded on the screen. Her thoughts no longer on the boys but transfixed by the drama made by the protesting failing singers. American Idol was such fun in the beginnings of its seasons.

The second mistake of his life: a baby. He knew he should have used a condom, but of course Kushina purposely didn't remind him. His oh so charming wife had done it to trap him into a life of diaper changing. Hmph, babies. They are not innocent, they are little demons. No offense to his son's imaginary friend "Kyuubi".

"Son, let daddy watch TV," he covered his nose as the aroma of the dirty diaper collided with his sense of smell. Ugh, he didn't need this. He pushed the tot off him, but only to turn away as Naruto continued to crawl onto him again.

"okay fine," he whined softly to the baby, "Daddy loses." Minato picked up Naruto, laying him on his lap as he opened the dirty diaper. He froze as he saw what appeared to be a one hundred dollar bill in the tots diaper, no poo in sight. "What the..." he grimaced as he picked the currency up, the green piece of paper the culprit. "how odd."

He sat Naruto down once again after strapping a new one on him. The baby now happily clean, looked at the TV set. Minato looked at him, frowning '_Kushina probably left that in there for me, women.' _With that thought he turned to the TV, smiling as he watched his favorite sport.

A hour later, Minato grimaced again as that same bitter scent wafted into his nostrils. With a sigh, he turned to the baby only to freeze finding more money. This time, it was only a dollar but still it was money.

"Minato, you're going crazy." shaking his head he turned to the TV, watching it til once more the baby screamed as that defiling shit smell came into his senses. "OKAY. This time is it gonna be poop!" his eye twitches, searching only to freeze seeing a five hundred dollar bill.

"Holy crap, Kushina!" Minato screamed, his eyes not believing this. The baby was pooping out money, pooping out _real_ money!

"Kushhhhhinaaaa!"

Minato shot his head up, panting heavily. He frowned as all he registered was darkness before hearing a groan. Looking down the young parent saw a barely awake Kushina glaring at him.

"What's wrong Minato?"

"I...well," he paused, stopping as a familiar cry hit his ears grinning. "Naruto! Oh, Naruto!" He stood up, going to the baby in question, cradling his poor ball of fluff. Kushina blinked in surprise at the action, hearing the baby only coo in response. Did Minato just pick up their baby?

"Daddy's here for you!" he hugged the baby, before both parents heard the piercing cry of Naruto. A stench wafting through the air. She sighed, sitting up arms waiting for the bundle.

"Minato give me Naru-chan." She frowned, tilting her head curious as Minato started to strip the baby of his tiny pj pants, slipping the diaper off. "Minato?"

"We're rich! Rich!" the hokage grinned in sheer triumph as he stared at his beloved wife. "We're RICH! Our son is gonna give us lots of money! We can even buy a boat!"

"Wait Minato, what are you doing?" she looked away, Minato peered into the diaper thinking she was a mad man. He probably was, she thought as she only heard his mad laughter.

"Where's the money?"

"Thats a fucking diaper, you idiot! Babies only poop in it!"

_oh_...

I hate babies.


End file.
